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Pros cons dating widower

They will have already (here is my list): --Been truly in love before and been truly loved before (to the level of holy matrimony, dating, engaged doesn't count to them), so are essentially an expert on love, marriage, relationships, and arguing, more so then you because (insert line you hear over and over again) "you have never been married, you don't know...";--have planned a wedding already (either know it all because of that experience, or don't care at all, or completley poo poo the whole thing because "it doesn't matter"..to them, right, it doesn't matter to THEM because they have done it ALL before);--have had a honeymoon (and all that entails, with a nubile, firm fleshed, young, attractive, in good shape, still fresh and attractive spouse, the love of their life/youth..theater of the mind on that one alone is enough to stop me in my tracks for sure);--had a decades long happy sex life, with all the intimacy of ONE other person who is not you, in their body, emotions, mind, heart, memory, learned behaviors, techniques, preferences...that one sink in for a moment too....;--Bought and rehabbed and feathered and furnished a house (or even several) with the deceased spouse and have absolutely no interest in buying another one, moving, getting rid of the wing chairs that Janice picked out, leaving it because it is "the house the kids grew up in," etc.

etc etc.;--Has children (and maybe even grandchildren) with the deceased spouse, that are "their" children, no matter how much you cook, clean, take to the movies, buy birthday gifts, spend time with, love in your own right, it's "you are not my mother/father!!

The old ways of relating are very difficult to rewire.

Further, no matter how much they might want not to, the previously happily married are going to be holding that life experience over someone who has never been married before.

Pat this is genius Thanks for putting this into understandable words 2) if you truly are looking for a new life with someone, then be willing to change things, and not just want to put a new body in the place of the former spouse.

You need to be willing to have a total do over of life, and very very few are really willing to do that. I like the " Plug in spouse to keep things moving along " This should be a major make or break item . Reminiscing, photos, children, vacations, sexual contact, and extended family can all be a source of comparison for individuals.

I am talking about the psychology of that experience on the second spouse.

What God permits people to do is not the same as what is good for a particular person. Goes back to what I was saying in an earlier post, that we can't put people in a shoe box.Hopefully they learned a lot either way and have completed the steps of mourning and if need be, worked on their own faults (as I am working on mine daily! It makes no difference to me where a person wants to be buried.)Negatives - only if the widower is expecting automatic replay and is not ready to make this an entirely new relationship. If I am the second wife of a widower and he predeceases me and already had a plot, by all means be buried there.Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael It has nothing to do with the bible and what God permits...As an annulled person, I am open to dating widowers as well as others with annulments.I am not as open to the never married, since I feel many may have commitment issues and/or become entrenched in the way they do things after so long being single.So the new girlfriend will get lilies, because that is what the deceased wife loved.The new boyfriend will be left alone on Saturday mornings because that is when Bob used to want to putter in the garage.It sounds like you're a very sensitive person, in your individual way. Just coming back to this discussion, having read the replies after my own, to add some more.I think that it is magical thinking to believe that someone who was married before, for many years, and happily so, is not going to compare a new partner to the deceased spouse in literally all they do.

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